I like Alice in Chains. I always have. I always thought they were better than most of the Seattle bands. But I can’t bear to listen to their Unplugged album.

I had a tumultuous relationship with this overbearing, loaded-with-baggage, semi-anorexic/bulimic, psychotic girl for five years. We lived together for four and a half of them. Things weren’t always so awful – we had our good times together. But with the good came the bad. And when things were bad, without fail, she would drink a couple bottles of white wine and either run outside wearing only a t-shirt or she would sit in front of my stereo system listening to Alice in Chains: Unplugged. It was inevitable. She would start reminiscing about her terrible childhood, the fact that she thought she was ugly, her younger sisters and brothers, her lack of self-esteem, and her unwillingness to deal with reality.

The first couple times this happened, I was the understanding boyfriend, holding her while she wept, consoling her and telling her she was beautiful. But it got to the point where it happened once every two weeks. I would come home from work or a night out and before I could even open the door I could hear Layne Staley’s droning voice flowing down the halls of our apartment building. It was a sound I grew to hate. All it meant was that I wasn’t going to get a good night’s sleep, I’d probably be drinking too much, and I would have to deal with my miserable girlfriend.

Personally, when I am depressed or just want to wallow in self-pity, I have a number of albums from which to choose. She had just the one. I tried buying her other depressing CDs so I could have a variety of tunes to listen to while her mascara ran down her cheeks as she rubbed away the tears of her self-centered problems. Once in a while I’d get a temporary reprieve, but it would always go back to good ol’ Alice in Chains. The worst part, I thought, is that when Layne Staley was found dead of an overdose, she didn’t even bat an eye. All she said was “Oh, that sucks.” For the years of pain he had supposedly helped her through, I would have expected a more heartfelt outpouring of sympathy.

I still can’t listen to Alice in Chains: Unplugged, though I enjoy their other albums. As for the girl in question, she is due to be married this month. I have not met her fiancée, but I wonder if he has encountered the same scenario as I did, time and time again.