I’ll save you the trouble of looking this up: Alopecia, the name of Why?’s fine newish album, is a condition that causes hair loss. (Why aren’t more genre-hopping songwriters tackling the tough topic of premature balding?) Ruined Music HQ is eagerly anticipating September 20, when Why? rolls into Portland for a night with local Anticon hero Alias. Bryan caught up with Yoni Wolf before the tour bus pulled out of Oakland, and uncovered some deep, dark supersoaker secrets. -Mary

Bryan/RM: So do you have any songs that have been ruined?

Yoni Wolf/Why?: When I was 19, this rich girl took me to a country club swimming pool in Cincinnati, where I grew up. We had brought a boom box and were listening to some mellow jams. I was just lying there in the sun and really getting into the spirit of things, so I put on a Belle and Sebastian tape. Next thing I knew, these twin brothers who were named something like Burk and Dirk (they had gone to private school with my ladyfriend) started shooting me with super-soakers and calling me names like “cum guzzler” and “ass felch.” It was so awkward and embarrassing. I didn’t know what to do. Should I have yelled back at them? The thing was, they were well-established members of the country club and I was just a homely one-time guest.

I regret to say that in the end, I did nothing. And now whenever I walk by a softcore indie disco or a twee-lounge for the underengaged and dissatisfied, and I hear B&S on slow leak from the speakers, I die a little death of shame and humiliation for not standing up for myself and that chilled out Scottish bunch.

B: Have you ever ruined a song for someone, either personally, or maybe one of your own songs at a show, that you know of?

YW: I super-soaked my next door neighbor one time for listening to Bright Eyes on her porch, calling her names like “Chodey Foster” and “Mangelina Brolie.” I haven’t heard any music coming from her place since then. Maybe I ruined all music for her. I mean, if you can’t feel safe on your own porch pumping Conner O., what can you feel safe doing?

Why? on MySpace.