I just caught an egregious example of song ruination live at the Republican National Convention: A few minutes ago Kansas Senator Sam Brownback went on, at uncomfortable length, about how stiff and creaky John McCain is, on account of injuries he suffered as a POW. (I don’t know if you’ve heard, but John McCain was a POW.) Senator Brownback even made a sort of awkward approximation of how John McCain wouldn’t be able to lift his arm very high if he were being sworn in as president, which was weird and creepy, and then Senator Brownback strutted off the stage as the PA system played “Footloose,” as if to drive home the point that John McCain will never be able to slide across a floor in his socks or dance in his underwear or get, well, footloose.

If I were John McCain right now I’d be all, Screw my big speech! I’m writing an essay for Ruined Music about how Sam Brownback just ruined “Footloose” for me for EVER, thanks a lot, Sam Brownback.